Gloria DeGaetano - Building the Foundation for Resiliency Skills

Building the Foundation for Resiliency Skills (cont.)

When we pattern our lives to weave into the daily grind moments of delightful sharing with our youngsters, we positively shape our youngsters’ self-identity. Also, we imprint positive messages inside our kids’ heads and hearts. The parental voice is by its nature very powerful and can work can work powerfully for good. Just by being with our kids and making appreciative comments, keeping curious and affirming their ideas and efforts, we make a lasting impression on their future self-talk and their ability to bounce back from difficult experiences. As adults, children who have had the advantage of the presence and availability of a loving parent are much more likely to be gentler with themselves and talk to themselves in kind ways when presented with life’s many challenges. They learn how to listen to the wise self within.

Appreciative statements and questions for children, ages 6-10

What I most appreciate about the way you handled that situation was...
I very much want to hear what you have to say, so I’m going to stop cooking dinner for a while and let’s sit down and talk this over.
When we play checkers (chess, board games, etc.) I really enjoy watching you think.
I so love spending this time with you!
When we work together in the (garden, kitchen, etc.) I notice that you...and I really appreciate that about you. Do you notice that about yourself, too?
Did you know your eyes light up and you glow when you are creating something new like…
I love watching your curiosity (imagination, thinking, kindness) at work.
You have many talents and skills. Which ones do you like best?
I admire how you are taking good care of your (dog, kitten, schoolbooks, etc.) You are learning to value what’s important.
I cherish you

Creating space for bonding with your children

A part of our job as a parent is to be a “space creator.” We can limit distractions so that there is space for parent-child sharing. Some ways to allow for meaningful conversations with our children include:

Keep the TV off when no one is watching.
Sit down and take ten minutes to be there when you know your child will be in the room. Don’t read or do anything. Say you are having some down time, but you can be interrupted.
Invite your son or daughter to a book talk or lecture at the local library or museum on a topic of mutual interest. Afterwards share your thoughts together over a meal or snack.
Make it a family ritual that you and your spouse spend one-on-one time with each of the children on a regular basis. Some families find that taking each child out to dinner offers opportunities to ignite conversations that might not take place around the family dinner table.
Carve a slice out of the weekend, such as a Friday evening, a Saturday afternoon, or a Sunday morning that would specifically be set aside for a special activity with your son or daughter—such as a long walk together, working together on a house project like cleaning out the garage, or discussing and helping with homework. Keep this time sacred and don’t allow your child to schedule anything else during it.

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