Gloria DeGaetano - Parenting As A Living System

Parenting As A Living System (cont.)

Although Virginia Satir has given professionals in family support a powerful framework for understanding how individuals impact each other within the family system, there is still a need to articulate how a living systems approach impacts the parenting process and the family as a whole and then from there, demonstrate practical, successful strategies based on living systems principles.

My journey in integrating a living systems approach into parenting and parent support began with an Intensive Year in 1986 with Dr. Charles Johnston, author of the Creative Imperative and Necessary Wisdom, who has applied key concepts in living systems to a powerful “four-dimensional theory of human growth and planetary evolution.” Studying this book in conjunction with seminars and exploratory discussions grounded me in a new language and a way of seeing my work as an educator with new appreciative eyes. I found understandings and identifying concepts for innate sensibilities and intuitive inklings that I felt but before that year could not put into words. Dr. Johnson’s work has impacted me significantly, both professionally and personally. I am looking forward to his upcoming book, Hope and the Future:Understanding the New Creativity and Maturity on which Our Future Depends

Often, it seems that a “new” paradigm of thought is actually validation of our own internal truths. Psychotherapist John Welwood wisely points out that “…what moves us to accept a new paradigm, finally? Experimental data alone can never fully establish the truth of a paradigm, for the paradigm itself orders and makes sense of the data. Are we not moved to embrace a paradigm when it somehow resonates with the richness of what we already implicitly know? In this sense, is it not perhaps our intuitive sense of the implicate order of things that actually validates a new paradigm and encourages us to adopt it?” (in Wilbur, p.135)

My readings and exploration of these compelling ideas from the emerging new science of the last 50 years catalyzed a deep paradigm shift in my thinking about real and lasting positive changes for families. Yet, that major shift did feel more like a validation than a complete 180-degree turn around. It seems like an alignment in my integrity as a teacher and educator to work hard at understanding the distinctions between machines and humans and apply those understandings in practical ways to help parents in these turbulent and uncertain times.

Since 1986 I began implementing a more intentionally “life oriented” focus in my work. One key component is that meeting the needs of parents and children must be central to any transformative change. If we dance around core human needs as family support professionals—we will never catalyze a significant change process for parents and children. It seems that simple. Yet, even after the 90’s—the decade of the brain with all its seminal research—maddeningly enough we can’t seem to find productive ways to help all parents meet their children’s cognitive, emotional, and social human needs. Too many moms and dads are adrift without understanding what is happening to them and their children and what could make their lives immensely more sane and enjoyable. The Vital Five gives parents and those professionals working with parents a way to focus on those core needs, beginning the journey of implementing a “living systems” approach of parenting and of parent support.

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